Guilt Revisited

Guilt is a hot topic for parents. So we'll hit it again. Different place, different perspective. A little more Zen. And judging by my last post, I was well on my way to that Zen. Which is good. Good place.

So what have I been doing since? (Stick with me here, it's relevant to the topic.) Moving. And moving again. And probably more moving, but I'll start to digress. So after the last move, and all I had learned over the years, I decided to go completely Zen. I'm now a Reiki Master and ThetaHealer. (Gasp. Yes, it's okay. Get it out.) And how does this relate to guilt? Because I figured out how to reeeeeally let it go! In clearing the mind of "OH my gosh, I am SO rotten to my kids sometimes!" you make room to LEARN from what happened to make you feel that way, and focus on how to change future similar outcomes. There's also the part where my kids have grown up and I now have a house full of teenagers who often come to me with their own guilt or anxiety issues (thank you school, social media, and whatever the hell else) and HA! I can now help!! I mean, actually. Help.

Looking back on parenting toddlers: #1 Was I the best parent? Please. No.   #2 Did I actually cause some of the guilt to spill over on to my kids? As in, did I model and teach them what it looks like to feel guilty all the time, and did I send that energy to them to absorb into their little cells? Oooh, yes I did.

But.

What I LEARNED from that, how I overcame it, I can now also pass on to them. And they don't have to wait until they're nearly 50 (cough, cough) to figure it out. The best we can do is step back, look at life's messages, really hear what we are guided to do and learn, and make it so. Grab it. Run with it. Thank the Universe. Yes, thank the Universe for reminding you what you need to work on!

So...let's consult an example.
What do you feel guilty about, and why? As a ThetaHealer, we can dig on that baby for a looong time and figure out and release some serious belief patterns, but if that's too out-there for you, just roll with the second question a bit: "Why?" Why do you feel guilty?
Well, I feel guilty because I spanked my kid.
Why does that make me feel guilty? Because it's wrong!
Because why? Because my own parents spanked me and I always felt like I was a horrible kid. Because why? Because I was. They told me so. I didn't act the way they wanted me to act.

Stop right there. "Because I was. They told me so."

Soooo...if you spank your own kid, you are sending the same message that you got from your own parents? I gotcha. Yep. That's no good. Don't want that.

But where to go from there? Release that, friend. Release that message you got from your parents. A whole bundle of goodness comes from doing so. When you are ready to release that, your body lets it go (yes, it stays in cells and organs, eventually making us sick), your mind lets it go, you figure out you need to love and forgive yourself, and when you get to THAT place, it releases the impatience, guilt, and anger at whatever it is your toddler did to trigger you in the first place, and since love flows freely in and out of you, you can now tap in to a different energy to address the behavior of your toddler in a loving way.

Wow.

If you are still reading, I guess we've hit something that resonates. Most likely, the guilt is there in you before you even have the spanking incident with your child. It just triggers an overwhelming sense of "wrong" in you. Does this mean you need to fly past the spanking, give yourself a total pass, toss some pudding at the kiddo to mend the mental boo-boo, and get over it? Of course not. What it DOES mean is that a) there is more going on here than is completely obvious and b) when you learn to forgive yourself (and possibly clear resentment, etc.), you can clear your mind to change, and never do the spanking bit again. What would that be like? What if next time, you could recognize when you're getting triggered, stop and take a breath, utilize some strategies to calm down, and THERE IS NO SPANKING? What if instead, you are able to see the situation for what it is, remember your child for who they are and what THEY are also trying to learn in life, and approach the entire situation differently, with love, grace, and integrity?

Yeah, baby. Now we're on to something. Use each situation that makes you feel guilty to LEARN. The Universe, laws of attraction, God, Jesus, Source, energy - however you wish to see it - will tap you on the shoulder, then shove, then totally push you to the ground if you don't listen to the message, "This is what you need to work on. Here's an opportunity! Yea!"

In my Zen journey, I've come across a couple of life-changers:

1) http://pete-walker.com/fAQsComplexPTSD.html
If you haven't heard of Complex PTSD, start reading. When I showed up to my first training session to be a Reiki practitioner, my teacher told me I had this. I said, "No I don't." She said, "Yes, you do." Me: "No. I don't!" Her: "Yes. You do." We went back and forth for a solid minute on that until I said, "Fine! I'll get the darn book!" Two weeks later, my life was COMPLETELY changing. And now, with most clients that walk through my door, I recognize this immediately. It's absolutely pervasive. Keep an open mind about it and ... just read. You might start seeing 'guilt' in a whole new way. And it also might lead you to a chisel so you can start carving it out of your life to serve you and your child in the highest and best way.

2) Matt Kahn. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jS9V_A_0eQk
If you are completely, totally, absolutely unfamiliar and averse to any new age-y, froo-froo, Zen-ish, send-and-receive-unconditional-love kind of stuff, this guy might be a bit much for you. But, if you embrace anything about that, this video is amazing. "Everything is Here to Help You." When you get to the point of seeing the world through different glasses, this is an incredible message. Your guilt is here to help you. The situation that created the guilt is here to help you. When you accept that for what it is, accept the "help" and start moving forward...tree-falling-in-the-woods and exploding rainbows kind of crazy goodness and energy changes are coming. Mmmmmhmmmm.

Warm wishes, friend. I'm off to eat my steel-cut oats with red quinoa and slivered almonds. In lotus position. While meditating. ;p

Mommy, Daddy! Look at Me! (No, really look.)

Sad to say, but if you just sit back and observe how parents interact with their kids, you'll find that most of them totally ignore the kids unless they're fussing or screaming. It's rather enlightening. Sad, but enlightening. And think about it. How many times a day do you actually look your kid in the eye and talk to them? Or at least talk with them if your eyes are trained on dinner or the road in front of you?

Here's a good article on how speaking to your child speeds up the language learning process.

http://news.stanford.edu/news/2013/october/fernald-vocab-development-101513.html

It makes perfect sense. You can't stick a kid in front of a screen and expect them to pick up language as quickly as those who interact with an actual human. There are subtle cues in language - we use our tone, eyes, face, and body to communicate a heck of a lot - that kids miss when watching it on a screen. It's like with preemie babies. Have you ever heard how parents are encouraged to "kangaroo" preemies? Those little angels arrive on Earth a little too early, but tend to grow and thrive better with actual human, skin-to-skin contact. Why? Why isn't it good enough to have them "grow" in an incubator, away from germs and stimulus? Well, because it just isn't! Humans have a light energy about them that cannot be replicated from a machine. It's living. It's love. Communication is meant to happen with two actual, living people. We are just very accustomed to it being electronic and get lured into thinking that the tech we stick in front of our kids is "educational." Get yourself away from that line of thinking!

Babies and toddlers need you to look at them. Talk and interact with them. Guide them. Teach them about the world. Don't let a gadget do that for you. Please.

Cheers and Zen to you! (Do those even go together? Hunh.)

Oops! The 9 Ways We Screw Up Our Toddlers

You know how sometimes you shoot up in bed in the middle of the night (okay, maybe you don't, but I do; so indulge me a bit here and go along) and think, "OH my gosh! I forgot to brush my kid's teeth AGAIN!" Or, "OH crap! I forgot to give my daughter her antibiotics tonight!"

Oops is my new book, and kind of hits on the ultimate "OH crap" of Am-I-Messing-Up-My-Kid? I normally give a lot of how-to advice, but wanted to veer off the track and write a what-not-to-do book. Do-this, Do-that is good and all, but can get a little boring and dance around the elephant in the room. We've got an entirely new generation of kids growing up, and they are as sweet as can be, but wow - are they spoiled! I don't discount myself as one of the spoilers, so don't think of this book as a lecture. It's more like a bootcamp for bad parenting habits. ALL of us can do it just a little bit better, and it takes being honest about it before we can drop our defenses and say, "Okay, I should cut that out."

Oops goes through the top parenting mistakes and how it will affect our toddlers as they age. Right now it's all about getting through the day. But there is a bigger picture to keep in mind. Our kids will grow up one day (soon!) and instilling habits to promote indepence and problem solving is a day to day process that needs to start NOW. It's one of those things that whops you on the butt if you wait too long.

So download it for free on iTunes/iBooks. It's a quick, fun read, meant to poke fun at our parenting, but not to judge. I'm sailing the same boat as you are, and we all have our sight on raising beautiful, healthy kiddos!

Fat Cat Beginning Reader Books

Fat Cat is a sweet little (well, okay, not little) ten-year-old kitty who finds herself alone and scared at an animal shelter. Will anyone adopt her? Will she ever find someone to love her? Read Fat Cat Finds a Home and journey with this furry friend as she discovers the heartwarming love of three special little girls.

Fat Cat Finds a Home is the first in our new series of kids books and oh my goodness! So darn cute! Very colorful and unique pictures to stimulate your little sweetie, and a great way to teach sympathy and treating animals with kindness.
Fat Cat Finds a Home is available on Kindle. We hope you enjoy! And stayed tuned - there are more Fat Cat adventures on the way!

Teach kids to calm themselves

I ran across an interesting article on how to teach kids to calm themselves [Teaching Children to Calm Themselves - "When Luke gets angry, he tries to remember to look at his bracelet..."]. Although I work with children like the ones in this article, I generally don't write about child discipline with cases this severe in mind...meaning, my advice is geared more toward the general population of kids with a loving, supportive family, but the behavior indicates that mom and dad can go about things differently to get better results.

But if you think about it, ALL kids can use the techniques in this article. I think that from a very young age, we don't teach our children how to comfort themselves since we do EVERYTHING for them. We don't want to see them hurt, so we intervene in an effort to help. In the process, we rob them of some very important self-soothing lessons.

So if your child's behavior is to the point of angry outbursts that you really don't know how to address, check out this article and do some more research. It takes some training to deal with children who are hurting to the degree stated in this article, but even for the average kiddo, cooling down strategies are always good!

Helicopter Parenting

Ever hear of the term "Helicopter Parenting"? It's what we do ALL the time. Our kids are over-protected, over-indulged, and over-scheduled. I do it. Everyone I know does it. And if any of us sees a parent that doesn't do it, we automatically think neglect and abuse. We don't voice it, of course, but we glance at each other with head shakes, a tsk-tsk, and very defined frowns, wrinkling our very judgmental faces. When I see a 4th grader consistently walking home from school alone, or up to the local gas station for candy, I automatically think, "Where are the parents??!!" And heaven help us all if I see a couple of youngsters walking along a busy street on their way to or from who knows where. "They're too young!" I cry. "They're all alone!" I wail. It takes a heck of a lot for it to cross my mind that they might actually make it home without being hit by a car or kidnapped.

On the reverse side, last week I saw both parents walking all four (count 'em) kids along a very busy intersection, and nearly had a heart attack as two of the kids - neither could have been more than six years old - walk ahead of the parents and stop twelve inches from the cars pulling up to a stoplight. The parents (distracted, nonchalant, loser parents), lagged behind with the stroller and got caught up looking at something on their phone. Never once did they glance up and see where their kids were heading. My husband and I held our breath as we waited for the parents to look up, catch up, and protect those babies.

Again, it never occurred to me that the kids would be okay. And therein lies the problem.

We are SO convinced that our kids will not survive, thrive, or succeed without our help that we hover over them to the point of smothering to death. With love, of course. Misguided, but "love" is indeed what we call it. We love them sooooo much that we get over-involved in their every waking moment. We never let the babies leave our sight. We run ourselves absolutely ragged trying to keep up with our toddlers, chasing them from room to room, saving them from every fall, bump, or tiny little mishap.

Maybe we should stop. (You don't know how hard it was to write those words. Holy cow.)

I'm not saying we should stop being caring parents, and we definitely shouldn't let our kids walk towards moving cars, but maybe we could cut back on showing our toddlers how to play with every single toy we put in front of them. Maybe we don't need to be in their faces every moment of the day, hovering over their every move. Surely it will be okay if they figure out how to stack those blocks without our help. Maybe we don't need to have them in a different class every day of the week, or chase them around trying to shove that last bit of sandwich in their mouth. They might live without it. Maybe we could let them play, let them discover, and let them develop a desire for knowledge and independence.

One of these days our babies will grow up. They will need self-comforting skills, problem solving skills, and a sense of achievement and motivation. If we keep hovering, how will they figure it out? If you want to discuss anxiety about our kids making it without us, just think to that day when you must let them loose into the world. A world that doesn't think they are the greatest things to walk the planet. A world that could care less.

(Gulp.) Yes, maybe we should stop.

Toddlers and Tablets

Get 'em OFF the screen, people!

We are way too reliant on technology and tablets and pads. We work with it, entertain with it, read from it, and expect it to spell check and think for us. It's getting scary. We recently had a fence put up in our backyard and when I answered the door to let the guy in, he very hesitantly asked if he had the right house. Yes, I said, you have the right house! He blew a deep sigh of relief and explained that his GPS couldn't pinpoint the exact location of my address, and boy, he just wasn't sure if it was this house or the one next door. I gave him a pause and stare. Eyebrows lifted. Really, dude? Do you not have my street number on a work order and do you not have eyes to actually look at the numbers on my mailbox and match the two up? Do you have beans rattling around up there? Are we so devoted to our technology and GPS that we can't think through an itty-bitty-baby-wee problem? Technology is squeezing out and killing the part of our brain reserved for this critical thinking. And that is freaking frightening!!

Babies and toddlers are the last little cuties that should be on this stuff. I know phones are a life-saver when it comes to entertainment in the car or to keep the kid quiet so you can have a conversation with your gynecologist, but oh my gosh. If it works this time, it will work again. And again, and again. Pretty soon they are learning to talk by watching Youtube and we have a kid who cannot do without his phone or tablet. Tantrums. Screams. GIVE ME BACK THE SCREEN!!

Not only is this unhealthy for social and cognitive development, there is talk of long-term damage to their poor hand muscles because they are spending way too much time touching and tapping and not actually manipulating actual objects like blocks, toys, and crayons.

https://baltimore.cbslocal.com/2013/11/14/red-flag-doctors-warn-tablets-can-actually-hurt-a-toddlers-developing-body/

Excerpt from the story
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"A warning for parents of tech-savvy children. The American Academy of Pediatrics says children under two should avoid all screen time.

Jessica Kartalija reports doctors and therapists fear too much time on touchscreens could cause long-term damage.

Playtime for babies is far different in the 21st century. But parents could be making a big mistake putting touchscreens in the hands of toddlers and young children. Parents think they’re educating and stimulating their kids, but doctors and therapists are raising a red flag — too much screen time can hurt their developing bodies. “If they are always on the iPad and not actually doing those paper pencil activities that they should still be doing, those muscles are going to remain weaker,” said occupational therapist Lindsay Marzoli, Learning and Therapy Corner."
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When a child's eyes are glued to a screen, they are not on you. This may sound terrific in terms of getting a break, but those "little breaks" add up to a crap-load of time spent away from learning from the most important person - you. Our daily interactions with kids teach them how to behave, solve problems, and learn how the world works. A screen is not a person, and while it can certainly entertain, and possibly give you false hopes with cute age-appropriate apps, it cannot E-VER replace a child's need for attention and guidance. They need those two things constantly, and if you are relying on some electronic "thing" to do the job for you...well...it might be time for a little long-term vision and soul searching.

Here's to blocks, bears, puzzles, books, play-doh, and all non-electronic childhood playthings. (If it lights up, squeaks, talks, or does anything but stay silent and invoke the imagination, I prefer to make its' new home the trash can).

Cheers, my friends.

Toddler Behavior and Sugar

Alright my friends. How many times do I have to say it? Sugar = bad behavior.

First a quick excerpt from a recent study [Click here for the full study article]:
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'...The study, which will be presented at the Society for Neuroscience’s annual conference next month, also made another discovery: Rats, like humans, like to eat Oreo’s creamy center first. To test how the animals responded to Oreos vs. drugs, the team trained rats to navigate a maze. On one side, Oreo cookies were provided, and on the other side plain rice cakes were offered.

As you’d guess, the rats were significantly more likely to spend time on the Oreo side of the maze. The team also compared these results to rats who were trained with morphine or cocaine rather than Oreos. They found that regardless of what "substance" the rats were offered (Oreos, cocaine, or morphine) they spent about the same amount of time on the "drug" side of the maze. These behavioral data aren’t so surprising, but the researchers also reported some interesting neurological results. When rats were given Oreos, a protein called c-Fos was expressed strongly in an area of the brain called the nucleus accumbens, which is well known to be active in pleasure and addiction. "It basically tells us how many cells were turned on in a specific region of the brain in response to the drugs or Oreos," said Connecticut College professor Joseph Schroeder, who led the research. Oreos actually activated cells in this brain area more than did either cocaine or morphine, which suggests that that magical combination of sugar and fat may be even more delectable to our brains than drugs. "Our research supports the theory that high-fat/high-sugar foods stimulate the brain in the same way that drugs do," Schroeder said. "It may explain why some people can’t resist these foods despite the fact that they know they are bad for them."'
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This study shows evidence that our brain treats sugar the same way as drugs, and sugar may be even more addicting than drugs. OH MY GOSH. And look, I love Oreos. As soon as I'm stressed, I want some double stuffed, pronto. So I'm not knockin' those delish little babies. I'm just saying, we cannot fuel our kids with sugar and expect them to behave like angels.

If your child is having behavior problems, first and foremost, look at diet!! I say it all the time. Yes, there are things we can do differently as parents so we do not reinforce negative behavior, but that little step alone will do nothing for the child who gets Sugar Crunchies and chocolate milk for breakfast, white bread peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and cookies for lunch, and fast food and ice cream for dinner. Cut that crap out! I know it's cheap and fast, but so is celery, carrots, and apples.

If you read this study, it's like we're giving our kids drugs. You wouldn't load up some cocaine and hand it over to your baby, now, would you? So if it doesn't work for me to bonk you over the head with "sugar = bad behavior", then maybe this will scare the bejeebers out of you more effectively. We MUST STOP giving our kids so much sugar. Not only is it bad for behavior, sugar can be linked to countless physical ailments; diabetes, high blood pressure, and cancer just to name a few biggies.

If you research people who stop taking in sugar and processed foods, you will be amazed at the change in their physical makeup and how so many of their ailments just magically disappear; skin problems, headaches, fatigue, weight gain, wrinkles, poor immunity, insomnia, depression, anxiety . . . sugar is the consistent bad boy in the gang of ugly we put into our bodies. I know personally that sugar affects my mood, energy, and guts. I drank a flavored coffee last week without having breakfast, and my blood sugar plummeted, leaving me shaky, irritable, and feeling rotten for the rest of the day. And if I have too much sugar, I can actually feel my body respond to the overgrowth of yeast.

If you don't believe this article that sugar is addicting, just try cutting it out of your own diet. It's freaking hard! And when you get stressed, sugar is the go-to fix. Donuts are my nemesis. (I swear I can't stay away from those things; I'm a donut addict.) So after you try to cut sugar out of your own diet (good luck), and you realize the insane pull that sugar has on our chemically altered brains, be aware of the addicting factor on your kids. If you give sugar the heave-ho in their diet, expect some horror flick behavior. Until they get through the withdrawal (research online for best ways to overcome the cravings), you might see lots of screaming and possibly throwing sharp, GI Joe-like objects. So you'll need to duck.

And if THAT doesn't convince you that sugar turns our bodies into a blob of disease infested, addict-prone yuck, then you're on your own. I've got to step back and throw my hands in the air. But if you resolve to do better, just try this first step in changing your child's behavior. I'm pretty darn sure you will see positive results.

Toddler Patience...What?

Have you guys seen this? Overcoming Temptation (In Marshmallows and in Life)



It's a take on that cute Marshmallow test. This one is actually a commercial. (And by the way, I'm not affiliated, so if the company does something horrible and immoral in the next two weeks or two years, I don't know nuthin and I'm not pushing you to buy anything!) Anyway, it's terribly cute, and it begs the question, can you really teach a toddler patience?

Many of us roll over and concede defeat when it comes to tantrums, whining, or fussing, because they're just itty bitty people. How can you expect them to refrain from trying to destroy the high chair while you prepare a sandwich and fruit? I mean, they're starving. Poor babies! Okay, so maybe the screaming gives us a wee headache, but what are we supposed to do?

Here's the thing about patience and toddlers: it's possible, but always a work in progress. When it comes to hunger, or being tired or over-stimulated, forget it. You can't win those, so just take care of the need. Next time, however, don't set yourself up for that kind of meltdown. Do your best to anticipate that hunger and start meals earlier. Don't drag them all over creation wearing them out and forcing missed naps, and avoid situations in which there is a lot of stimulus. You may not recognize it as such, but ANY place with a lot of people, noise, or eye-catching stuff everywhere intended to grab your visual attention...that's stimulus. As adults, we live in it all the time and we're used to it, but being sensitive to it myself, I can completely understand why toddlers go bonkers and get upset when you haul their sorry butts to fairs, weddings, concerts, the zoo, and cousin Teddy's fifth birthday party. Yikes! Even schools have way too much stuff on the walls and hanging from the ceiling, over-stimulating my poor eyeballs. The intent is to stimulate learning, but for me, it just stimulates a headache, and I want out. Toddlers don't have a way to filter all that nonsense yet, so don't expect them to!

As for the rest, practice making them wait when they are fed, rested, and in a good mood. Maybe it's just waiting for you to get a toy off the shelf for them, and you can use that opportunity to help them learn. If they start to fuss, stop it early and use your "no"'-without-saying-no-voice. I always advise toddlers moms not to use "No!" so much because it becomes irrelevant to the child. Not only do they put no meaning to it coming out of your mouth, but it models what word for them to use every five minutes. Thus, the incessant "NO!" we get from toddlers. Instead use something like, "Aah" or "Enh." "Un Unh." Then pair it with what you want them to do, not with what you don't. For instance, you can say, "Enh! We do not whine. I am getting your toy and you need to wait." What will not work is, "Enh! Stop whining." The reason being is that it doesn't tell them what you want instead. When you say something like that, it tells them what you don't want. So they focus on "whining" and they don't know how to stop. You have to teach them! So tell them what to do instead. "If you want me to hurry, say, 'Mommy, please hurry.'"

So:

1. Anticipate situations that can cause a meltdown and prepare well enough to keep the tantrums and overstimulation at bay.

2. Practice patience phrases ("I need you to wait quietly,") when they are fed and rested.

3. Teach them how to stop whining by giving them things to say or do. "Tell mommy, 'I want that please,'" or "Hold your blankie while you wait for me. It will make you feel better."

It will take constant practice, but one day you will wake up to a child who can wait patiently. (And you'll freak out just a little.)

Cheers!

Sibling Bickering and End of Summer CRAZY!

My kid was not up for 30 seconds the other day before starting a crying jag worthy of Scarlett O'Hara - all about bickering with her sister over (heaven help me, please) a newly ebay-purchased Barbie house and something about stealing existing Barbie furniture . . . because, hey, in this house, everyone has to have their OWN Barbie house and OWN Barbie furniture, lest we be forced to contact the authorities due to a civil war about to erupt.

Sigh.

You know, we parents have done the vacations, movies, crafts, play dates, library, and the hauling everyone around all summer long in our valiant effort to entertain and make the most of this fabulous time off from school. And while I completely dread getting back into the swing of school (after all, it means diving right back in to forms, field trips, homework, lunches, before school practices, after school practices, and all the eight million little things to keep up with), there is this tiny (okay, moderate to large) part of me that can't wait to let the "entertaining" be choreographed by someone else. Don't get me wrong - I love my kids, and I'm honestly not completely happy unless all my little duckies are safe and sound and huddled together in our family unit. But I'm not much on long term fun, being that I'm not exactly Captain Fun to begin with.

My friend Amy, however, IS Captain Fun, and texted me a few days before school started to haul our butts 45 minutes out to Fort Worth Texas for a trip to the Zoo. "One last summer hoorah!" as she put it. And who could fault the woman for wanting to take her only non-committed day off to buzz around the state for the sake of her children having a good time? I mean, she just got off a 17 day vacation of hiking through Colorado and New Mexico. I don't think that's enough to wear anyone out at all.

So I wallow in Catholic guilt as I cancel my volunteer job for the day, and load everyone up for a day of fun with Amy and her kids . . . which ends up being zoo, water gardens, two museums, a quick tour through the Stock Yards, and a foray to Joe T. Garcia's for dinner. It was Fort Worth a-la-Amy, who was horrified at my lack of clocked adventure hours into the unknown territory of that endlessly fabulous city. She felt like she had to get in as much "you have to see this" as possible so my brain wouldn't rot away from lack of stimulus in the next nine months. My feet were about to fall right off my ankles by dinner time, but oh my gosh, that restaurant was the most fun place E-VER. Since we were so hot, gross, and dehydrated from being in suffocating heat all day, Amy and I kicked back with ice cold drinks while our five apparently not-tired, not dehydrated, don't-care-if-we're-filthy kids literally ran through what must have been three acres of totally enclosed outside patio filled with tables, gardens, out-buildings, fountains, bars (they didn't tromp through the patio bars, thank heaven. I can just see a shower of lime wedges pelting staff and patrons . . . ) several visits to the way-cool bathroom, and even a get-to-know-you session with the pet doves (don't ask; I have no idea why they keep birds on site).

But as much fun as we had, as a mommy, there is always, always a price to pay. Mine included having to dive right in to aggressive negotiations (sans the light sabers) the morning after and distracting the exhausted kiddies with a heavy-handed list of chores.

Which brings me to my point. This summer has been stressful for us; we've had a big move, we were displaced in our living situation for several months, and had quite a bit of uncertainty regarding course of life and where-in-the-hell-are-we-going-to-live talks. We did our best to keep things stable for the kids, but the stress of the instability still came out, mainly in the bickering of two of my kids, and a slight depression in the third.

My dear people, we MUST keep a stable environment for our kids, and we must learn not to over tax them with "fun." Yes, it's great to see the sights and experience life, but can I just say how many strollers, high heels (Are. You. Kidding.), and VERY pregnant women I saw tromping through the zoo towing kids that were much to young to remember anything at all, much less have any fun in this insane Texas heat? (For the uninitiated, think "so hot the oxygen is sucked right out of the air to the point where you can't breathe," and you're in the ballpark.) Why?? Why on earth do we drag young kiddies to do these things, exhausting their poor bodies and wearing them out so they're forced to act like monkeys because we're too hell-bent on the entertainment??? They don't need that stimulus! They won't remember the baby elephant, the frozen lemonade, or the coolest snake on the planet.

I know it's boring for you, but the younger tikes can do without the heavy field trips. Mine are plenty old enough to tolerate the busy day, yet they still had morning after issues due to exhaustion. If you must get out, pace yourself, respect any naptimes, and make it a quick outing. I understand that being cooped up with out-of-school kids all day long for months on end is a stinker for those who are any less than Über moms. And I don't know about you, but I am not about to lie my tush off and claim to be a super hero in the mommy department. Some of you are, and more power to you. But most of us aren't, so please allow the whining and grappling for entertainment ideas. We'll be back to faking it well once the little angels return to school and we've had time to restock our fridge and pantry, clean up the sea of toys on the living room floor, get a decent haircut, and take a nap. Until then, it's all about frazzle.

Cheers!

Cut it Out!

We tell our kids, "Cut it out!" so much that we might as well be trying to fill up a sieve with sand. It will never stop. But as much as I preach to the contrary, I did it myself this morning. Great balls of fire! And what did my child say in reply? "Mommy, I don't know what you mean when you say that, so it makes me think I can't talk at all!"

Really, now. I'm a speech therapist. I deal with behavior all the time, and it's second nature to "explain" exactly what I mean, in very blunt, specific terms so that kids don't get confused. I do it all the time, everyday, and no doubt my own kids are sick of it. So you would think that might buy me one or two times snapping, "Cut it out!" at the breakfast table and my kids might actually problem solve and figure out what I mean. Sheesh. We try so hard to be good mommies; calm, kind, and lovingly instructive. Aren't we allowed a stressed moment and shouldn't our kids just "figure it out" once in a while?

Apparently not. Sure, we can stress all we want, but it doesn't help our kids act better. I wanted my nine-year-old to understand that by, "Cut it out," I meant, "Use kind words, soften your tone, and don't boss you sister by telling her she's putting too many croissants on her plate." Then I want my twelve-year-old to understand that the same "Cut it out," is directed at her as well, and it means, "Don't snap back at your sister that she's got crumbs on her shirt just because your feelings have been stomped on and you don't like being told what to do by a younger sibling."

I'm giving myself a headache just putting this down into words. How on earth were my children supposed to interpret that convoluted, wordy message out of a completely empty and curt, "Cut it out"?

I'm just lucky enough that when I slip up, they use more communicative words than their mother and kindly remind ME to cut it out.

Cheers friends!

Does Discipline Break a Child's Spirit?

Discipline often breaks down into a battle of wills, but it has nothing to do with breaking their spirit, even as much as it seems the contrary. They're crying, you're crying, the house is in turmoil; "This can't possibly be good for them or anyone!" you think.

But of course you think that. It's because you're an awesome mom! However we are all - ALL of us - at the mercy of our love for our babies. And that can cloud our judgment.

Discipline is not "breaking them." It's not mean or hateful or unloving. True discipline is about teaching. Plain and simple. And when you teach toddlers, you have to relate to them on their level, which is primitive. When they are pushing and pushing and pushing, you have to hold out longer than they feel the need to disrespect you. It's a learning process...you teach them what is okay and not...how you are allowed to treat people, and what is and is not acceptable.

Example: screaming for a bottle when you are trying to wean. It may seem like you are flat our torturing your child for no good reason (and what good mommy would ever do that?) but here's the truth about what's going on: the longer you let them scream for a bottle, the more you teach them that they can't do that (and that the world will definitely not end). BUT when they scream and hit you each night for 5 minutes until you give in, that is exponentially worse. True, you're giving it a try until it seems ridiculous to carry on, but in actuality, you are teaching them how to behave badly (versus letting them cry and teaching them that you can't be manipulated). When you give in, you teach them that it is okay to hit and scream - it works, and they get what they want.

Look, I know you are freaking exhausted and can't take another minute. But long term, you are creating a huge, never-ending headache. Parenting is about headaches, believe me. But those long term jobbers can be nipped by standing your ground now. It's not easy, and it really is every single day, because they are learning so much at this age. But over time it gets better and better. When you are consistent and firm but loving, your child will be happier, more secure, and definitely a joy to be around. This versus a child who grows up getting more and more demanding, tantrum prone, and guilt provoking...hmmm. Wonder which is better? Which child do you think is truly happier?

Bad Behavior "Makes Me So Sad"...

My friends. Serious topic, here. I really, really hate to burst your well-meaning bubble, but can we collectively please stop telling our kids how much it hurts our heart or makes us sad to see them act unbecomingly? "Oh, that hurts my heart to see you make that choice," or "That makes me so sad to see that," or "Oh, that's a sad choice."

UGH!! Your child could care less how you feel, think, or what you had for dinner beyond getting them what they want. I see Mommies do this all the time but I have never, ever seen it actually work. Is it working for you? Does your child immediately act sorry, apologize to the offended party, and straighten up to the point where you don't have to repeat that phrase ten times a day? Because I'm apparently blind, here.

The thing is, the Mommies I see using this have kids that are pretty much out of control. So I know it seems to you a way to calmly and sincerely let your child know that you disapprove of a certain behavior, but it teaches them nothing. Nothing! They do not care how you feel; they are too young. So expecting that to make a smidgen of impact is unrealistic. What they NEED is for you to say, "No. We don't do that," and intervene. Intervene, my lovely ladies! Take their arm, or block the physical behavior, or move them into another room, and tell them what you want to see instead. "We keep our hands to ourselves," "Bottom on the chair, feet on the floor," "Use a big kid voice because I can't understand whining and crying," "We do not throw our toys when we're upset. You may stomp your foot instead." Tell and show them what you want to see instead of the offending behavior. This whole telling them what you think and feel business is going to put me over the edge. Make them behave. Insist on it. Otherwise, you are running a hamster wheel.

I so absolutely get that you are tired. But please do something for me. If your child has a ton of energy that is bursting out in bad behavior, set him/her to a physical task. Outside is great - make them run and run and run. But make an actual task out of it so that there is a focus beyond the need to explode upon a piece of equipment, an animal, or another child. Make it running from one end of the yard to the other, collecting acorns or sticks, or collecting the sticks and then making a giant pattern out of it, whatever. And do NOT make this a "Oh, look, let's play a game, honey! It'll be fun! You try it, okay?" Because believe me, if you act like there is a choice or you desperately want to engage him in something, he will sniff it out in no time and use that stick to whack your fanny in a clear communication that he's not interested. When you go about it in a "Here's what we're going to do," sort of way, and use a firm, authoritative demeanor and voice, it changes things. You might get some balking because that is not your usual pattern, but make your child do it before he does anything of his chosing. He may throw a fit, but I'm telling you, the structure is needed and you must, absolutely must, win this battle of wills. (Another blog on battle of wills vs. breaking their spirit later...) Do not give in to a normal pattern of letting your child's behavior slide; it teaches him to do that exact behavior over and over because you ultimately do nothing about it beyond yammering something that they translate into, "Blah, blah, blah...."

So change your language and demeanor, give them a physical task to release some energy and create a sense of boundaries, and tell and show them how to act.

Good luck, friends!

How to Get Toddlers to "Drop it!"

So they're eating a crayon. Or a cricket. Or a dryer sheet. You get the picture. Something is in their mouth or hand and they need to drop it.

If you are normally rather calm and happy, letting out a good gasp and "No! Give it to Mommy," usually works. However, there are still the little guys who crave the attention and seeing Mommy get all worked up over nothing, so they let out a squeal of delight and take off with the offending object stuck in their oral cavity and inches away from their airway.

Please remember, you are (give or take) a good hundred pounds bigger than the critter in question, so you can outrun, overtake, and grab the source of angst with little or no problem. This may mean some screaming afterward, but it's the price we pay for keeping our duckling safe. The thing to watch out for is if this running away business is a bad habit. If so, it probably means a) the child is needing the attention, and positive attention or negative attention, it doesn't matter because he doesn't know the difference or b) you aren't really saying what you mean and doing what you say with any real consistency...and they know it.

I could give you some trite song and dance about trying to give them something else to distract them or negotiating a less offensive or destructive item for the one in question, but you aren't stupid and you know all this. Sure, we could all work on our presentation of making a cookie or string of beads seem much more attractive than a dead bird, but the bottom line is that they aren't stupid either. They know that you want what they have, and that means they have your undivided attention. So what this really boils down to is attention and consistency. Kids need positive attention, and if they aren't getting enough, they will go for negative attention. Period. Plus, the little guys will always, always try the running-away-with-a-mouthful-of-marbles thing at least a couple of times just to see what you will do. And if you always, always make sure they listen and do what you say, chances are, they won't try it often.

So make sure you are routinely giving them positive attention and guiding them on how to act, not just re-acting when they do something bad. And be consistent. Follow through on what you say day to day, hour to hour. It's a whip, but it shapes your child into a secure and happy little person.

Cheers, friends!

Tired of Being Made to Feel Bad About Discipline

So you get home late, need a hug and some food, yet your child refuses to be loving at all, throwing a fit over who knows what instead. Then you have to discipline when you aren't exactly rested and on your A Game, and you end up having a horrible night, full of guilt and a little justified self-pity.

There are a couple of things that strike me in this scenario, and I'm going to be super honest with you. (That means get out your big girl pants and try not to be offended.) First off, I don't know you, but if you're reading this, you are reaching out for help and that in itself is HUGE. Understand what that says about you as a mom...that you want what is best for your child and you will do whatever it takes. That makes you an amazing parent! We all make mistakes, but the best parents are the ones who vow to do better and put some action behind it.

Second, the discipline aspect is a simple enough problem to solve. Research books, video series...whatever you think could give you some very basic places to start and how to understand your child. There are plenty of resources that can help you understand where your child is coming from and how to give them what they need so they act better: ways to communicate, and how to reword what you have to say so that it makes sense to your child and they will respond positively.

The last, and more important point, I think, is addressing your needs. I sometimes hear from parents that they want their child to act more loving and they don't want to be made to feel bad. (Here's where I get tough...) That is not actually a discipline issue. Yes, if you change the way you react to unloving or poor behavior, you will in turn change the child's reactions, and that is discipline. But it goes more basic and deeper than that. As parents, we are there to meet the needs of our kids. But we absolutely cannot expect them to meet our needs. Yes, we need our kids to love us - or at least act loving so that we have some reason to be nice to them - but they are kids. They cannot and will not understand that we have worked all day and busted our chops trying to provide them with a good life. They will only need, need, need from us. So when we get home at 9:00, they will not understand that we need a hug and some time to shovel down five bites of food. They only see life from their perspective and their needs....and they will probably need love (and a glass of water and two books read to them) from you even though you're exhausted and having nothing left to give.

You know all this, but let this post serves as your official reminder. It's not that they don't love us. Their brain just works in a very limited space, and it's all about them. Those happy family images you see on T.V. - kids running and greeting the parent after a long day of work - that's a rare gift, and it generally just doesn't work that way. First of all, to GET kids to a point in life that they look beyond themselves and see or care about your needs takes a very secure, devoted parent, and a boatload of time. Second, life is just crazy and busy and we don't always act our best.

Forgive yourself, keep perspective, and do your best. Remember that kids need us to discipline and provide a consistent, loving environment for them. It makes them feel secure and happy. You may feel like the bad guy today, but if you reflect on the lesson you are trying to instill, and you feel it is appropriate, stick to your guns. Project a loving and firm stance. Long term, you may just find out that, glory be and hallelujah, it worked!

Best wishes,
Michelle

Older Kids Won't Listen!

So I have to rant a bit (what's new?)

My kids. Won't. Listen. Aaaaaaahhhh!!!

Third, sixth, and seventh graders, good kids, good grades, all of it. I love my kids. But when I ask them to do something, they do only that one tiny thing I ask, then go right back to their game, book, or chasing the cat. Example: I get home from work yesterday totally wiped out and want to crash on the couch. Can you guys make dinner? Spaghetti, no bread, no salad. Not rocket science. And do I get, "Sure mom"? Ooooh, no. No, no, no. I get "the look." The exasperated, my-life-is-so-hard-Do-I-have-to?? look.

Sigh.

YES, you have to! For crying out loud! Get some water boiling and put some pasta in it! Sheesh. So my oldest gets a pot, salts the water, turns on the burner, and leaves.

Cue crickets chirping.

Hello??? Is anyone watching that water? Apparently...not. So I yell for my youngest. She checks the water but doesn't know if it's boiling (guess we haven't gotten that far in the cooking lessons yet). So I have to haul my tired butt off the couch and go check. Great balls of fire, the pot is only 1/3 filled! So I add water and yell, "Poppy, you have to add more water!" No answer. I give up and look around. Table isn't set, sauce isn't out, cheese isn't out...blah, blah, blah. So I call to my 6th grader. "Mimi, come help me!" She wanders in and graces me with a blank stare, so I try to poke that stare in the eyeball with a fierce, "Get dinner ready!" By now I'm getting super fed up and just want the simple curtesy of them looking beyond their immediate twelve inch radius and figuring out what else needs to be done. "Mimi! Good grief! What else needs to be put on the table? What's missing?"

And we all know the end to this story. I end up having to spell every little thing out and direct traffic, pissed off beyond helping. And it didn't help that as soon as the meal was over, they just walked away from the table, leaving their dishes, crumbs, and good will to mommy.

I could scream.

So I query my husband with an exhausted, "Why, WHY won't they listen to me?" And he looks at me like I've just tried to drink lemonade with a fork. "Honey," he cautiously ventures, "you're too nice. Of course they don't listen to you."

WHAT???!!!! Too nice?? Are you freaking kidding me? I've got a broomstick! People think I'm fierce, dominant, commanding. I've got a reputation to keep, here! I tell him all this and add, "When I'm at work, I keep my therapy kids in line! I don't let them get away with squat!" He just shakes his head and stares. "Honey, I have a hard time believing that."

OH my gosh.

People, are we too nice? Is that why our kids don't listen? After spending a little time to reflect, I don't think that's it (just like me to argue). I think we're just checked out. I was checked out yesterday - didn't feel like giving my kids the time and direction they needed. I just expected them to mind read and know what to do. News flash to Michelle...it's not happening! If the house is a mess, it's because I don't sit on them to clean it. A quick yell to clean it up isn't going to work. We have to sit there and stare at them until they get off their duff and do it. To me it kind of defeats the purpose of teaching them how to do stuff on their own (thus giving us a tiny break) but I guess that's life. If the goal is overall independence, we must trust that one of these days, it will all click and they will be ready for the challenges life throws at them. In the meantime, we are still desperately needed by our kids to keep them marching toward that little road sign that says, "Success."

Teaching Toddlers Responsibility

Teaching responsibility should start when kids are toddlers.  If done correctly, they grow up with the right idea that they are responsible for their actions, messes, behavior, all of it.  When you miss that opportunity to teach them early, it creates so many problems later that you'll be kicking yourself.  And listen, I'm not saying it's an easy thing to do.  For example, it's usually easier for us to clean up after them and get it done quickly because we've got another screaming child that needs dealing with, and to heck if we have the time to sit down and walk our toddler through the process of putting away toys.  But by not insisting that our child clean up, wash up, be accountable for their behavior, etc., we are teaching them that it is okay to act in a way that will not serve them well as they grow older. 

I'm currently subbing in middle school doing my little speech therapy thing, and can we just talk about the lack of responsibility?  Kids don't do their homework, they lie about attending tutoring, they have to have incentives galore just to complete assignments (do not get me started), and then when they don't complete them, oh, no big deal, Johnny . . . just get it to me tomorrow, okie doke sweetie pie?

Hello!  Oh my gosh.  Do we really think that the big, bad world is going to allow them all these chances?  They grow up and have no idea how to deal in an environment that cares very much if you screw up.  No second chances there.  I've heard from managers who say you can't tell these people they did anything wrong, lest they break down into tears.  Or they get kicked out of their frat house in college because they don't lift a darn finger to help clean the place up.  How stupid and wasteful is that?  Nothing to do with grades - it's all character!! 

So believe me when I say, it matters.  I know it's difficult to see that far ahead now, as you're just trying to make it through each day, but teaching responsibility is so important.  It does take some time upfront, but it will make your life SO much easier in the long run, and it teaches your child how to be well-adjusted and happy.

Of course, as a toddler, it's no fun when mommy or daddy isn't your slave.  You mean I can't just run amok and be jolly?  Clean up after myself . . . what??!  So herein lies our problem: just how do we make teaching responsibility fun?  A bit of a pickle, as it's not necessarily a fun thing to learn that we aren't king of the castle.  However, we can ease the transition and harsh reality by introducing a responsibility chart.  We found a cute one that gives a visual cue and builds self esteem as kids go through the process of figuring out that a job well done is something to be proud of.

Melissa & Doug Deluxe Magnetic Responsibility Chart.

This one is magnetic.  If you find it's working well, you can get creative and customize it by making your own little magnets to meet your specific needs.  Just get some index cards, cut a strip to size, write your "chore", and glue to a small magnet.  It can be that simple, or you can jazz it up and be as creative as you like.  Just remember that the most important aspect to teaching anything is consistency (you've only heard me say this twelve billion times).  So stick with it and you will see results!

Have fun!

Toddler Potty Training Charts and Book Reviews

Potty training - Yipee! (or kill me...which ever you perfer)

The blessed event can be horrible or easy or anywhere in between. It all depends on our child's personality and our approach. For example, if we get all bound and determined with a strong-willed child, we're probably setting ourselves up for a battle.

Toddler Potty Training 2 Week Chart:
Quick Print: www.LifeWithToddlers.com/potty/

Now, I've trained three kids, and of course I've watched all my friends train their kids. I've tried the naked method, the routine method, and the sit-on-the-damn-potty-all-day-until-you-tinkle method, all the while watching my friends battle with tantrums, painstaking progress, and carrying around a portable potty every single place they traveled ("Mind if I dump this pee real quick? We just came from the store!"). In this journey, I've discovered a couple of things: first, all the kids ended up using the potty and adapting to appropriate, current social standards. No one died of embarrassment (well, okay, they did - but only theoretically), no one ended up in therapy over the trauma, and no one (as of yet) has grown up and gone to 3rd grade parties sporting pull-ups. All good news. Second, I've learned that you've got a lot of factors involved in potty training. No one method works for all kids (despite claims of our dear fore bearers) and conventional wisdom changes generation to generation. We modern day parents don't like to upset the little boo-boos, and some of the more forceful or strict methods out there seem rather barbaric.

In my research, I've pored over a couple of books. Toilet Training in Less Than a Dayby Azrin and Fox, and Stress-Free Potty Training: A Commonsense Guide to Finding the Right Approach for Your Childby Au and Stavinoha. Interesting stuff. They both have good points, but my personal recommendation is Stress-Free Potty Training: A Commonsense Guide to Finding the Right Approach for Your Child. Toilet Training in Less Than a Day is more for the take-detailed-notes-clear-your-schedule-and-prepare-to-be-absolutely-consistent-and-strict kind of parent. If you are an intense reader, want step-by-step instructions, and can handle a method that might take you out of your comfort zone, have at it. This book just gives a one-size-fits-all method with some out-dated reprimanding, tons of repetition, and pretty intense consequences. (This coming from someone who rides around on a broomstick - and if I'm uncomfortable with it, you know it's over-the-top.) My observations of current mommies lend me to believe there might be a teeny bit of rejection from the more liberal cootchy-coo types. I include myself in this, as I'm not going to make my kid "practice" going to the potty ten times after he has an accident. Seems overkill.

Stress-Free Potty Training, on the other hand, gives focus to different personalities, recommends praise instead of treats as a reward (you all know how I feel about candy as rewards - gah!), and it goes over the universal strategies as applied to your own child's personality. The only caveat is, you have to read it. (Sigh.) I know we all want a quick answer, but in this case, investing some time and research before you get started can save you a ton of headaches and pee pee to clean up.

Overall, I have a few recommendations:

1. Research ahead of time. Read articles, ask your friends (just for feedback, not advice to take no matter what), or get some books. Read samples of the books before you buy and see which one fits your personality. Get down the lingo, absorb the advice, and find a balance on what approach will work best for you and your child. For example, I would never inconvenience myself with carrying around a damn portable potty all day, nor did I get one for my own home. Cleaning that thing just seems too gross for me. However, I didn't mind clearing the calendar and staying at home for days on end to train my kids. Just me. Everyone is different.

2. Don't use food as rewards. In my experience working with kids and behavior, treats are a temporary motivator and don't allow your kids to experience the reward of a job well done for the sake of a job well done. There's also the big picture of teaching our kids to behave in certain ways only for treats, which leads to a lazy "what's in it for me?" attitude when they're twelve, but we'll leave that aside, as it's assuming you reward your kids often with treats for good behavior, which you don't, do you? (Don't prove me wrong lest I scream.)

3. Make them responsible for their own toileting and cleaning up the messes. This is major step from Toilet Training in Less Than a Day that I really liked. You can do this in a loving, matter-of-fact way that doesn't promote shame for accidents. Rather, it teaches kids the direct and real consequence of having accidents in your undies or flooding the floor. Someone has to clean it up, right? Well, if you are teaching kids to be responsible for their own body and its actions, that is just a natural consequence. It's not a big deal . . . it's just something that needs to be done. When they take part in that, while it may be fun at first, it gets to be a pain in the butt real quick, and it just might be an appropriate motivator for our darlings to get on the ball and embrace the ridiculous notion of relieving ourselves on the porcelain monster.

4. Don't be a wish-wash. It's one thing to get into it and realize it's one, big, fat mistake and you're obviously pushing your child too soon and need to stop the training. It's entirely another if you just get sick of the consistency it takes or you get all mushy that your child is a little resistant and tearful. I mean, really, turn the tables; if someone suddenly told your adult-self that toilets weren't acceptable anymore and you had to start using a diaper, you'd freak a little, right? You've been using a toilet for (we won't count how many) years and to change the routine would upset you. It's the same for your kids. You're changing the rules of their little world and it's upsetting. Just go back to advice #1 on my list and research ahead of time to save yourself the agony and confusion. If you've read up on the readiness factors and you feel good that the timing is right, be confident in your decision and forward ho. Don't go back and forth with diapers then no diapers because you'll confuse the tar out of your child and that's just not fair.

5. Try to be patient. This process is time consuming and will doubtless piss you off sometimes. Such is life. Don't take it out on your kid, because they are looking to you for guidance on this process. On the other hand, be forgiving of yourself if you get frustrated and blow up. We are human and being a mommy is tiring! Just learn from your mistakes and try to do better. I'm a spiritual gal, and I'm telling you, if you pray for patience, you're going to get a ton of opportunities to practice it so that you'll learn. :) Not a bad thing.

It's not lost on me that I just wrote a very long post and didn't give you any step-by-steps, but that's the point! You need to research the different methods and figure out what is best for you both. I'd be a stinky friend if I said, "You have to do it this way...it works!" Because that's a honkin' lie. Your child is unique, and you have your own way of doing things as well. Figure out a balance that will give you and your child the best chance of success, the most quickly, with the least amount of tears. No small feat, but I know you can do it! :) When this is all over, we'll toast to your genius and send happy vibes to all the other parents out there who are scared out of their wits. You can then confidently tell them, "Relax, honey. It's all good!"

Happy peeing my friends!

Free Printable Toddler Potty Training 2 Week Chart:
Quick Print: www.LifeWithToddlers.com/potty/


Free Printable Toddler Potty Training 1 Week Chart:
Quick Print: www.LifeWithToddlers.com/potty/

If you are going to use a potty chair, this one is a favorite Baby Bjorn Potty Chair [many colors to choose]:

Toddler Feelings Chart

One of the biggest problems I see as kids age is the ability to communicate feelings. This translates into bad behavior. The child stays with the same patterns of communication, which usually means arguing, crying, or tantrums. Not a pretty thing as toddlers age into bigger kids. If you think it's embarrassing to deal with tantrums now, just wait until your eight year old throws enough crying fits at school that you get called into a meeting to put a "behavior plan" in place. Pretty darn awful.

Click or Tap here for a Free Printable Toddler Feelings Chart

 

Address this now!! Get kids identifying and labeling their feelings. Talk about what went wrong and how you can change it. Of course you have to do this in toddler-speak, but the little dudes and dudettes are a lot smarter than you think. They just need the vocabulary and guidance to organize all these feelings and learn how to deal with them appropriately. Use our emotion chart to start. If you need, pick one emotion a day and introduce them to the cooresponding face. Practice acting out that emotion (or have a favorite stuffed animal act it out instead!) and review it the next day, adding another emotion. It won't be long before your child has a pretty cool grasp of different emotions and can start to identify and talk to you about them as they occur in daily life. This puts you and your child well on the way to healthy, productive, and positive communication patterns!

Toddler Advanced Practice Pre-Handwriting Turtle Maze Charts

We've created some Advanced Pre-Handwriting charts to follow-up with our Basic Pre-Handwriting charts. Have fun :)

Click or Tap here for Free Printable Advanced Toddler Pre-Handwriting Turtle Maze Charts