Teaching Your Toddler to Write the Letters A to Z

For a cute, free activity on teaching your toddler the alphabet and how to write the letters of the alphabet, go to http://www.LifeWithToddlers.com/charts. We have new printable pages to trace the letters - nice and big, too, for those cute little hands to get around a ginormous crayon!

Have fun!

Click or Tap here for Free Printable Toddler Learn to Write the Alphabet A-Z Charts

WebMD: 7 Embarrassing Pregnancy Symptoms

Attention all ye pregnant women!  Okay, so this is a little off topic, but I was recently quoted in a WebMD article called, "7 Embarrassing Pregnancy Symptoms".  I've written a book on pregnancy (Taboo Secrets of Pregnancy: A Guide to Life with a Belly) and was asked to give my "expert" opinion on things like gas, belching, and sprouting ape hair.  First of all, it defies me how one becomes an expert on such things, and second, that's a pretty darn disgusting thing to be an expert at.  But whatever.  I'm an easy going gal and don't have a problem blabbing about indecent things.  Guess that makes me an expert.  

What I ended up being quoted on is quite hilarious, although my husband was absolutely horrified.  He likes to brag on me, but he can't exactly send this to friends and family.  (LOVE it!!)

If you aren't too faint of heart, you may find the article a bit humorous whether you have been pregnant or will become pregnant.  Happy reading!

 http://www.webmd.com/baby/features/7-embarrassing-pregnancy-symptoms

Toddler kicks, screams, defiant

Here's a recent question someone sent me...very typical of questions that I get, so I figured I'd post the Q/A.  Remember, my friends - "firm" is NOT mean!!  Kids need and want boundaries.  Don't be a mush, or they'll just keep acting like toots...because it works.  Eeek! 

Q:  My two year old can be so sweet, but in a drop of a hat he turns just out of control. He doesn't listen to any commands that are given to him, he screams yells and kicks, slams doors, you name it he'll do it to test you. His favorite is to do something that you've told him not to while he's looking at you dead in the eye. I've tried spankings, timeout, toys taken away,and talking to him.  Were also trying potty training and just like everything else, there is defiance. I'm at my wits end. I'm clueless.  Please help.

A:  

Hi there - thanks for writing.  :)

Well, it sounds like he may be a little bit more of a strong willed child - but this is a good thing in terms of when he's older, as long as you can channel that energy and turn it into independence, not defiance.

The main thing I hear is that he's needing attention.  By looking you in the eye and doing exactly what you told him not to do...he wants your attention.  It can be negative or positive - doesn't matter - he just wants you to interact with him.  So here's what you do:

1.  Tell him what you WANT, not what you don't.  Instead of, "Don't touch that!" say, "Hands to yourself."  Instead of "no kicking" we say, "quiet feet".  Does that make sense?  It takes a complete change of thought process but we have to tell toddlers exactly what we want if we expect them to behave.  As far as negatives, from his standpoint, all he hears is "touch that".  They can't process those negatives like "Don't touch that".  If I told you, "Don't think of what you had for dinner last night" - what's the first thing you do?  You think of what you had for dinner.  It's the same w/ kids.  We have to get away from "don't, no, stop it, cut it out," etc., as much as possible.  Think about what you WANT him to do, and tell him.  Show him.  Demonstrate.  Teach him.  Otherwise, he won't know and he'll continue to guess...which doesn't help anyone.

2.  Time outs are tricky.  You have to do them correctly or it's a waste of time.  If he's acting bad for attention, time-outs give him a heck of a lot of attention - b/c people do them wrong.  They'll talk, lecture, yell, keep chasing the kid to put him back in...it's useless. 

You first have to determine why they act out.  If it definitely boils down to attention, I will not say a word - I'll take the kid, put them in time out, and I don't talk, touch, or make eye contact.  If they keep trying to get up, I do the minimum to put them back in.  Cribs were great for me.  I could put them in, remove any toys or blankets, and walk away until they calmed down.  Once they regained control of themselves, I'd walk in and say, "Are you ready to be nice?" or "Are you calm now?"  If the answer is yes, I say simply "We do not bite" (or whatever the infraction was).  If we yell at them during the heat of the moment, emotions are too high and the point will be lost.  Wait until they are calm and recovered, then state it simply and matter of fact.  Try to keep it to what you want to see instead (ie, "we use a calm voice," instead of "we don not scream"), but if you can't, you can't.  (How do you turn "no biting" into a positive?  We have nice teeth???)  Then give very specific instruction on what you want to see next time.  "When you are upset, use your words to tell mommy."

3.  Always think about what his goal is in acting out.  Then give him the opposite.  You really, really have to think about this.  Most of the time, they keep acting that way because we are unknowingly reinforcing that when they act bad, they get what they want.  We think we are telling them that it's not okay, but our actions tell them it works.  Very tricky!  If he starts screaming because he didn't get spaghetti for dinner, by golly, do NOT give him spaghetti...even if he calms down and acts nicely in 5 minutes.  Make it super super clear that he does NOT get what he wants when he acts out.  Short term, this may mean more tantrums, but it's only because it's what he's learned to get what he wants.  Kids figure if they just turn it up a notch, it will eventually work.  We just have to train them that the rules have changed.  Long term, it makes for a MUCH happier kid b/c they have boundaries and feel secure.  Giving in to kids' tantrums never, ever makes them any happier individuals.  The opposite is true.  :)

4.  Intervene when he's getting violent.  Stick your foot in the door if he tries to slam it, grab his legs and hold them if he's kicking (and turn your face the other way so you are not looking at him and giving any attention), and find a spot that is his "calming down" spot.  It needs to have NO fun, no charm, and is only meant for him to calm down.  Make him stay put.  This can mean a 45 minute session of grabbing him and setting him back down in it, but make him stay put and still/quiet for a few minutes.  Do not talk at all - b/c that's the attention he wants.  And he'll think it's a funny game for a while - but he'll eventually get tired of it and figure out it's not so fun anymore.

5.  Make sure you are recognizing him and giving him positive attention for what he does well that you like.  Praise lets him know, "oh, she likes that".  Tell him specifically, "I like the way you're sitting so still while I put your shoes on!"...things like that.  Now, he may turn around and start kicking and confuse the tar out of you, thinking the positive attention thing is bunk, but think about it.  He gets that positive attention from you, likes it, then immediately seeks more attention in the only way he knows how...by kicking...he doesn't realize it's negative attention...it's just attention.  So you react to that by holding his legs, turn your head away, and wait until he stops....remember, give him the opposite of what he wants.  By holding his legs and turning your head away, you've taken away the attention he's seeking.  Over time, you will train him that the sitting quietly part is what you like, not the kicking. 

As far as potty training, give the overall behavior time to improve before you start that.  And make sure he's not teething, has an ear infection, or some other phsical issue.  When they hurt, they act awful.  :)  And make sure he has a way to communicate with you.  They get super frustrated when they can't communicate.

Hope this helps!     

Yours Truly,

Michelle Smith, M.S., SLP

Author of Life With Toddlers and The Toddler ABC Guide©

Toddler ABC Food for Behavior Recipe Series

So we’ve thought and thought about how to make veggies attractive for those picky palates – and at some point, you’ve got to give it up.  Just hide the darn things!  Shred, pulverize, disguise…whatever.  Our kids need some healthy colors in their gut, and if they turn their nose up at everything you put in front of them, wise up.  Make those beautiful fruits and veggies invisible and pull one over on the negative attitudes!  

Here are some recipes for awesome shakes that our family can’t get enough of.  We hide some fabulous, super green baby broccoli and spinach, and sneak in gorgeous, deep red raspberries for my non-fruit eater.  It’s sweet, and NOT green in color, so they drink it like an ice cream shake.  (Gotcha!)

Happy sneaking, my friends…

Toddler ABC Apple Shake

Ingredients: 1 Cup Apple Juice, 8 Fresh Raspberries, 1 Baby Broccoli Top, 8 Baby Spinach Leaves, 1/4 Banana, 1/2 Cup Vanilla Yogurt, 1 Tbsp Honey [optional],

Handfull of Ice Cubes

Toddler ABC Orange Shake

Ingredients: 1 1/2 Cup Orange Juice, 1/4 Cup Carrot Juice, 1/4 Cup Strawberry Yogurt with Probiotics, 1 Dried Apricot, 4 Fresh Raspberries, 1 Baby Broccoli Top,

8 Baby Spinach Leaves, 1/4 Slice Fresh Orange, 1/4 Slice Fresh Lemon

Toddler ABC Blueberry Shake

Ingredients: 1 1/2 Cup Apple Juice, 1/4 Cup Frozen Blueberries, 8 Baby Spinach Leaves, 1 Dried Apricot, 1/2 Cup Vanilla Yogurt, 1 tbsp 100% Maple Syrup, 1 tbsp Golden Honey,

1/4 Slice Fresh Orange, 1/4 Slice Fresh Lemon

Toddler ABC Vanilla Shake

Ingredients: 1 1/2 Cup Apple Juice, 1/2 Cup Vanilla Yogurt, 4 Baby Spinach Leaves,

3 Fresh Raspberries, 2 Fresh Cucumber Slices, 1/4 Slice Fresh Orange,

1/4 Slice Fresh Lemon, 1 tbsp Golden Honey

Toddler ABC Pumpkin Shake

Ingredients: 1 1/2 Cup Apple Juice, 1/2 Cup Vanilla Yogurt,

1/4 Cup Pumpkin, 1/4 Cup Carrot Juice, 1/4 Slice Fresh Pear, 1/4 Slice Fresh Orange,

1/4 Slice Fresh Lemon, 1 tbsp Golden Honey

Toddler ABC Blackberry Shake

Ingredients: 1 1/2 Cup Apple Juice, 1/2 Cup Vanilla Yogurt, 1/4 Cup Fresh Blackberries, 1/4 Cup Fresh Cranberries, 1 Dried Apricot, 3 Fresh Spinach Leaves,

1/4 Slice Fresh Orange, 1/4 Slice Fresh Lemon, 1 tbsp Golden Honey

Toddler Lying

Here's a recent question sent to me.  :)

Q:  My 3 1/2 year old is lying a lot lately?  How can I stop this?

A:  Well, it sounds like you're catching him and the lies are fairly obviously.  So my first question would be, why is he lying?  For attention?  Or does he think he's going to get into trouble?  My second question is, how do you normally react?  There's got to be something there that is reinforcing the lying - meaning, he's getting something out of it.  Tackle it from the why and make sure he is getting absolutely nothing that he wants out of lying. 

For example, if it's for attention, his consequence is absolutely no attention.  He gets a time out and you give him no talking, no touching, no eye contact.  Don't go on and on about the lying and why he shouldn't do it - that gives him attention.  When you catch him lying, all he gets is, "We do not lie."  And march him into time out.  That's it, and it gives him the least amount of attention. 

Also, make sure there are no rewards for lying.  For instance, if dad tells him he cannot have a popsicle but he comes and tells you daddy said it was okay - make SURE he doesn't get a popsicle!  Even if four other kids are getting popsicles and he's not - those are the breaks.  Don't let it slide and say, "I'll let you have one since everyone else is getting one, but you'd better not do that again."  He needs an immediate consequence - and make it a stinky one so he gets the picture that it does him no good to lie.

Be prepared for either tantrums or "I don't care" behavior and ride it out.  Stay firm and consistent. 

Hope this helps - good luck!

Toddler Gets Bad Influence from Weekend with Ex

So your child comes home from a weekend with the ex, spouting profanities and sporting an attitude.  Great balls of fire!!  I HATE getting sad emails from frustrated caregivers on this topic.  It makes me furious and so upset to think of those poor babies getting mistreated by "caregivers" who could care freaking less.  I got one of these frustrating emails today about a little boy getting less than love and proper guidance from weekend visits with a parent.  In this case, it was the father, but father, mother...it doesn't matter.  If the parent doesn't have the tools in their toolbox and isn't willing to change, we just have to deal with what we've got.   

Here's my response to the plea for suggestions:

If the father has the right to see the child, there is nothing to do about that unless he just doesn't want to and will forfeit the weekend and spare you the heartache.  The good news is that the child doesn't spend the majority of his time with this bad influence.  And unless dad is willing to change, you are stuck just trying to do the best with what you've got. 

That sweet little guy will need extra love and guidance to make up for the damage and emotional drain that daddy puts on him.  Make sure that when he is with you, he is given absolute consistency and structure, as this will give him security.  Model good communication and language for him and do not let him get away with inappropriate language when with you.  Even though it's not his fault and he's getting mixed messages, he will eventually learn what is okay at one house versus another.  He needs at least one caregiver modeling love and appropriate guidance. 

It will be difficult for everyone involved for a long time, as you will just have to keep undoing what he is learning on weekends, but he will eventually grow up and realize who it is that provides him with true love and what he needs.  I know that is not the answer you want to hear, but unless visitation can be halted, you are stuck.  Children will always crave attention and love from their parents, but if you give him the extra love and guidance that he needs, he WILL wake up one day and figure out who the bad influence is and how much it hurts him.  At that time, hopefully he will have enough confidence and love of himself that you can walk through it together and deal with it in the most healthy way possible.

Do your best and hang in there.  Remember not to spoil to try and make up for any guilt that he's going through a rough time on his weekends away.  Be a rock for him - a loving, consistent, and solid guidance.  Remember his tug of war with the mixed messages and be patient with your guidance.

Sincerely,

Michelle Smith         

Toddler Tantrums at the Grocery Store

What a whip!  But believe me, you're not the first person on the planet to have your toddler embarrass the tar out of you in a public place.  People stare with disapproving frowns, leaving you mortified and feeling like bawling your eyes out.  The first time this happened to me, I had two other smaller kiddos with me and couldn't even just grab my screeching kid and get out.  The only thing to do was endure the twenty minute nightmare.

It all started out groovy.  My three-year-old asked to drive one of those carts that look like a car and I said, "Sure!"  Then I realized that I had nowhere to put the two 18-month-olds I had with me.  They had to go in the cart, and my daughter had to just toddler along behind.  I tried consoling her with her own tot-sized cart she could push around, but no can do on that one.  She wasn't buying it.  As time progressed, she got more and more upset - and finally got so mad that she wrenched her little cart over on its side and ended up screeching bloody murder, kicking and scratching the crap out of me with any attempts to grab her.

This was completely uncharacteristic of my child, but I was no stranger to whining, crying kids.  For sure, it was a ten on the scale of "help me," but I also knew that there was nothing to do except wait it out.

When you find yourself in a public place with a screaming, obstinate child, of course you want to die of shame, but you know what?  Those cranky people with unforgiving stares haven't walked a mile in your shoes, so they can stuff it.

You're a great Mommy, so take a deep breath and try to center yourself.  Those moments will happen, but they will also pass.  The only thing you can do is remember to set up your day to ensure your child is fed, rested, and not over-stimulated before you head out.  Have a very structured sleep schedule and don't skip naps or venture out when you know your child will be tired or hungry.  That's a tantrum waiting to happen.

The other important thing to remember is not to set expectations.  If I had a do-over, I would not have promised my child a ride in that car cart without thinking it through.  Her expectation was set, and when I changed plans, it devastated her.  Instead, when she asked, I should have just said, "Let me see first.  I'm not sure." 

Now, there's a difference in tantrums.  There are three kinds:  Need, Overload, and Demand.  We've talked about Need and Overload above (need for sleep/rest, and avoiding overstimulating the child).  When these happen, you simply have to get your child some food or rest, or get them in a calm, unstimulating environment, fast.  Demand tantrums are a different animal.  Those require that you don't reinforce undesirable behavior.  Stop giving in to demands, otherwise you teach your child that it's okay to throw a fit to get what she wants.  Not good!  When your child tantrums over a demand, make sure that she doesn't get what she wants.  Period.  Even though it was MY fault that my child threw a fit in the grocery store, I still didn't give in to her demand.  That would have reinforced the tantrum.  I just had to recognize what I did wrong and vow to do better next time.

You are a terrific Mommy - big hugs to you.  We are all in this together, so shake off the shame and guilt, and hold your head high.  Tomorrow is another day.  Make it a good one!

:)  Michelle