Fat Cat Beginning Reader Books

Fat Cat is a sweet little (well, okay, not little) ten-year-old kitty who finds herself alone and scared at an animal shelter. Will anyone adopt her? Will she ever find someone to love her? Read Fat Cat Finds a Home and journey with this furry friend as she discovers the heartwarming love of three special little girls.

Fat Cat Finds a Home is the first in our new series of kids books and oh my goodness! So darn cute! Very colorful and unique pictures to stimulate your little sweetie, and a great way to teach sympathy and treating animals with kindness.
Fat Cat Finds a Home is available on Kindle. We hope you enjoy! And stayed tuned - there are more Fat Cat adventures on the way!

Teach kids to calm themselves

I ran across an interesting article on how to teach kids to calm themselves [Teaching Children to Calm Themselves - "When Luke gets angry, he tries to remember to look at his bracelet..."]. Although I work with children like the ones in this article, I generally don't write about child discipline with cases this severe in mind...meaning, my advice is geared more toward the general population of kids with a loving, supportive family, but the behavior indicates that mom and dad can go about things differently to get better results.

But if you think about it, ALL kids can use the techniques in this article. I think that from a very young age, we don't teach our children how to comfort themselves since we do EVERYTHING for them. We don't want to see them hurt, so we intervene in an effort to help. In the process, we rob them of some very important self-soothing lessons.

So if your child's behavior is to the point of angry outbursts that you really don't know how to address, check out this article and do some more research. It takes some training to deal with children who are hurting to the degree stated in this article, but even for the average kiddo, cooling down strategies are always good!

Helicopter Parenting

Ever hear of the term "Helicopter Parenting"? It's what we do ALL the time. Our kids are over-protected, over-indulged, and over-scheduled. I do it. Everyone I know does it. And if any of us sees a parent that doesn't do it, we automatically think neglect and abuse. We don't voice it, of course, but we glance at each other with head shakes, a tsk-tsk, and very defined frowns, wrinkling our very judgmental faces. When I see a 4th grader consistently walking home from school alone, or up to the local gas station for candy, I automatically think, "Where are the parents??!!" And heaven help us all if I see a couple of youngsters walking along a busy street on their way to or from who knows where. "They're too young!" I cry. "They're all alone!" I wail. It takes a heck of a lot for it to cross my mind that they might actually make it home without being hit by a car or kidnapped.

On the reverse side, last week I saw both parents walking all four (count 'em) kids along a very busy intersection, and nearly had a heart attack as two of the kids - neither could have been more than six years old - walk ahead of the parents and stop twelve inches from the cars pulling up to a stoplight. The parents (distracted, nonchalant, loser parents), lagged behind with the stroller and got caught up looking at something on their phone. Never once did they glance up and see where their kids were heading. My husband and I held our breath as we waited for the parents to look up, catch up, and protect those babies.

Again, it never occurred to me that the kids would be okay. And therein lies the problem.

We are SO convinced that our kids will not survive, thrive, or succeed without our help that we hover over them to the point of smothering to death. With love, of course. Misguided, but "love" is indeed what we call it. We love them sooooo much that we get over-involved in their every waking moment. We never let the babies leave our sight. We run ourselves absolutely ragged trying to keep up with our toddlers, chasing them from room to room, saving them from every fall, bump, or tiny little mishap.

Maybe we should stop. (You don't know how hard it was to write those words. Holy cow.)

I'm not saying we should stop being caring parents, and we definitely shouldn't let our kids walk towards moving cars, but maybe we could cut back on showing our toddlers how to play with every single toy we put in front of them. Maybe we don't need to be in their faces every moment of the day, hovering over their every move. Surely it will be okay if they figure out how to stack those blocks without our help. Maybe we don't need to have them in a different class every day of the week, or chase them around trying to shove that last bit of sandwich in their mouth. They might live without it. Maybe we could let them play, let them discover, and let them develop a desire for knowledge and independence.

One of these days our babies will grow up. They will need self-comforting skills, problem solving skills, and a sense of achievement and motivation. If we keep hovering, how will they figure it out? If you want to discuss anxiety about our kids making it without us, just think to that day when you must let them loose into the world. A world that doesn't think they are the greatest things to walk the planet. A world that could care less.

(Gulp.) Yes, maybe we should stop.

Toddlers and Tablets

Get 'em OFF the screen, people!

We are way too reliant on technology and tablets and pads. We work with it, entertain with it, read from it, and expect it to spell check and think for us. It's getting scary. We recently had a fence put up in our backyard and when I answered the door to let the guy in, he very hesitantly asked if he had the right house. Yes, I said, you have the right house! He blew a deep sigh of relief and explained that his GPS couldn't pinpoint the exact location of my address, and boy, he just wasn't sure if it was this house or the one next door. I gave him a pause and stare. Eyebrows lifted. Really, dude? Do you not have my street number on a work order and do you not have eyes to actually look at the numbers on my mailbox and match the two up? Do you have beans rattling around up there? Are we so devoted to our technology and GPS that we can't think through an itty-bitty-baby-wee problem? Technology is squeezing out and killing the part of our brain reserved for this critical thinking. And that is freaking frightening!!

Babies and toddlers are the last little cuties that should be on this stuff. I know phones are a life-saver when it comes to entertainment in the car or to keep the kid quiet so you can have a conversation with your gynecologist, but oh my gosh. If it works this time, it will work again. And again, and again. Pretty soon they are learning to talk by watching Youtube and we have a kid who cannot do without his phone or tablet. Tantrums. Screams. GIVE ME BACK THE SCREEN!!

Not only is this unhealthy for social and cognitive development, there is talk of long-term damage to their poor hand muscles because they are spending way too much time touching and tapping and not actually manipulating actual objects like blocks, toys, and crayons.

https://baltimore.cbslocal.com/2013/11/14/red-flag-doctors-warn-tablets-can-actually-hurt-a-toddlers-developing-body/

Excerpt from the story
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"A warning for parents of tech-savvy children. The American Academy of Pediatrics says children under two should avoid all screen time.

Jessica Kartalija reports doctors and therapists fear too much time on touchscreens could cause long-term damage.

Playtime for babies is far different in the 21st century. But parents could be making a big mistake putting touchscreens in the hands of toddlers and young children. Parents think they’re educating and stimulating their kids, but doctors and therapists are raising a red flag — too much screen time can hurt their developing bodies. “If they are always on the iPad and not actually doing those paper pencil activities that they should still be doing, those muscles are going to remain weaker,” said occupational therapist Lindsay Marzoli, Learning and Therapy Corner."
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When a child's eyes are glued to a screen, they are not on you. This may sound terrific in terms of getting a break, but those "little breaks" add up to a crap-load of time spent away from learning from the most important person - you. Our daily interactions with kids teach them how to behave, solve problems, and learn how the world works. A screen is not a person, and while it can certainly entertain, and possibly give you false hopes with cute age-appropriate apps, it cannot E-VER replace a child's need for attention and guidance. They need those two things constantly, and if you are relying on some electronic "thing" to do the job for you...well...it might be time for a little long-term vision and soul searching.

Here's to blocks, bears, puzzles, books, play-doh, and all non-electronic childhood playthings. (If it lights up, squeaks, talks, or does anything but stay silent and invoke the imagination, I prefer to make its' new home the trash can).

Cheers, my friends.

Toddler Behavior and Sugar

Alright my friends. How many times do I have to say it? Sugar = bad behavior.

First a quick excerpt from a recent study [Click here for the full study article]:
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'...The study, which will be presented at the Society for Neuroscience’s annual conference next month, also made another discovery: Rats, like humans, like to eat Oreo’s creamy center first. To test how the animals responded to Oreos vs. drugs, the team trained rats to navigate a maze. On one side, Oreo cookies were provided, and on the other side plain rice cakes were offered.

As you’d guess, the rats were significantly more likely to spend time on the Oreo side of the maze. The team also compared these results to rats who were trained with morphine or cocaine rather than Oreos. They found that regardless of what "substance" the rats were offered (Oreos, cocaine, or morphine) they spent about the same amount of time on the "drug" side of the maze. These behavioral data aren’t so surprising, but the researchers also reported some interesting neurological results. When rats were given Oreos, a protein called c-Fos was expressed strongly in an area of the brain called the nucleus accumbens, which is well known to be active in pleasure and addiction. "It basically tells us how many cells were turned on in a specific region of the brain in response to the drugs or Oreos," said Connecticut College professor Joseph Schroeder, who led the research. Oreos actually activated cells in this brain area more than did either cocaine or morphine, which suggests that that magical combination of sugar and fat may be even more delectable to our brains than drugs. "Our research supports the theory that high-fat/high-sugar foods stimulate the brain in the same way that drugs do," Schroeder said. "It may explain why some people can’t resist these foods despite the fact that they know they are bad for them."'
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This study shows evidence that our brain treats sugar the same way as drugs, and sugar may be even more addicting than drugs. OH MY GOSH. And look, I love Oreos. As soon as I'm stressed, I want some double stuffed, pronto. So I'm not knockin' those delish little babies. I'm just saying, we cannot fuel our kids with sugar and expect them to behave like angels.

If your child is having behavior problems, first and foremost, look at diet!! I say it all the time. Yes, there are things we can do differently as parents so we do not reinforce negative behavior, but that little step alone will do nothing for the child who gets Sugar Crunchies and chocolate milk for breakfast, white bread peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and cookies for lunch, and fast food and ice cream for dinner. Cut that crap out! I know it's cheap and fast, but so is celery, carrots, and apples.

If you read this study, it's like we're giving our kids drugs. You wouldn't load up some cocaine and hand it over to your baby, now, would you? So if it doesn't work for me to bonk you over the head with "sugar = bad behavior", then maybe this will scare the bejeebers out of you more effectively. We MUST STOP giving our kids so much sugar. Not only is it bad for behavior, sugar can be linked to countless physical ailments; diabetes, high blood pressure, and cancer just to name a few biggies.

If you research people who stop taking in sugar and processed foods, you will be amazed at the change in their physical makeup and how so many of their ailments just magically disappear; skin problems, headaches, fatigue, weight gain, wrinkles, poor immunity, insomnia, depression, anxiety . . . sugar is the consistent bad boy in the gang of ugly we put into our bodies. I know personally that sugar affects my mood, energy, and guts. I drank a flavored coffee last week without having breakfast, and my blood sugar plummeted, leaving me shaky, irritable, and feeling rotten for the rest of the day. And if I have too much sugar, I can actually feel my body respond to the overgrowth of yeast.

If you don't believe this article that sugar is addicting, just try cutting it out of your own diet. It's freaking hard! And when you get stressed, sugar is the go-to fix. Donuts are my nemesis. (I swear I can't stay away from those things; I'm a donut addict.) So after you try to cut sugar out of your own diet (good luck), and you realize the insane pull that sugar has on our chemically altered brains, be aware of the addicting factor on your kids. If you give sugar the heave-ho in their diet, expect some horror flick behavior. Until they get through the withdrawal (research online for best ways to overcome the cravings), you might see lots of screaming and possibly throwing sharp, GI Joe-like objects. So you'll need to duck.

And if THAT doesn't convince you that sugar turns our bodies into a blob of disease infested, addict-prone yuck, then you're on your own. I've got to step back and throw my hands in the air. But if you resolve to do better, just try this first step in changing your child's behavior. I'm pretty darn sure you will see positive results.

Toddler Patience...What?

Have you guys seen this? Overcoming Temptation (In Marshmallows and in Life)



It's a take on that cute Marshmallow test. This one is actually a commercial. (And by the way, I'm not affiliated, so if the company does something horrible and immoral in the next two weeks or two years, I don't know nuthin and I'm not pushing you to buy anything!) Anyway, it's terribly cute, and it begs the question, can you really teach a toddler patience?

Many of us roll over and concede defeat when it comes to tantrums, whining, or fussing, because they're just itty bitty people. How can you expect them to refrain from trying to destroy the high chair while you prepare a sandwich and fruit? I mean, they're starving. Poor babies! Okay, so maybe the screaming gives us a wee headache, but what are we supposed to do?

Here's the thing about patience and toddlers: it's possible, but always a work in progress. When it comes to hunger, or being tired or over-stimulated, forget it. You can't win those, so just take care of the need. Next time, however, don't set yourself up for that kind of meltdown. Do your best to anticipate that hunger and start meals earlier. Don't drag them all over creation wearing them out and forcing missed naps, and avoid situations in which there is a lot of stimulus. You may not recognize it as such, but ANY place with a lot of people, noise, or eye-catching stuff everywhere intended to grab your visual attention...that's stimulus. As adults, we live in it all the time and we're used to it, but being sensitive to it myself, I can completely understand why toddlers go bonkers and get upset when you haul their sorry butts to fairs, weddings, concerts, the zoo, and cousin Teddy's fifth birthday party. Yikes! Even schools have way too much stuff on the walls and hanging from the ceiling, over-stimulating my poor eyeballs. The intent is to stimulate learning, but for me, it just stimulates a headache, and I want out. Toddlers don't have a way to filter all that nonsense yet, so don't expect them to!

As for the rest, practice making them wait when they are fed, rested, and in a good mood. Maybe it's just waiting for you to get a toy off the shelf for them, and you can use that opportunity to help them learn. If they start to fuss, stop it early and use your "no"'-without-saying-no-voice. I always advise toddlers moms not to use "No!" so much because it becomes irrelevant to the child. Not only do they put no meaning to it coming out of your mouth, but it models what word for them to use every five minutes. Thus, the incessant "NO!" we get from toddlers. Instead use something like, "Aah" or "Enh." "Un Unh." Then pair it with what you want them to do, not with what you don't. For instance, you can say, "Enh! We do not whine. I am getting your toy and you need to wait." What will not work is, "Enh! Stop whining." The reason being is that it doesn't tell them what you want instead. When you say something like that, it tells them what you don't want. So they focus on "whining" and they don't know how to stop. You have to teach them! So tell them what to do instead. "If you want me to hurry, say, 'Mommy, please hurry.'"

So:

1. Anticipate situations that can cause a meltdown and prepare well enough to keep the tantrums and overstimulation at bay.

2. Practice patience phrases ("I need you to wait quietly,") when they are fed and rested.

3. Teach them how to stop whining by giving them things to say or do. "Tell mommy, 'I want that please,'" or "Hold your blankie while you wait for me. It will make you feel better."

It will take constant practice, but one day you will wake up to a child who can wait patiently. (And you'll freak out just a little.)

Cheers!

Sibling Bickering and End of Summer CRAZY!

My kid was not up for 30 seconds the other day before starting a crying jag worthy of Scarlett O'Hara - all about bickering with her sister over (heaven help me, please) a newly ebay-purchased Barbie house and something about stealing existing Barbie furniture . . . because, hey, in this house, everyone has to have their OWN Barbie house and OWN Barbie furniture, lest we be forced to contact the authorities due to a civil war about to erupt.

Sigh.

You know, we parents have done the vacations, movies, crafts, play dates, library, and the hauling everyone around all summer long in our valiant effort to entertain and make the most of this fabulous time off from school. And while I completely dread getting back into the swing of school (after all, it means diving right back in to forms, field trips, homework, lunches, before school practices, after school practices, and all the eight million little things to keep up with), there is this tiny (okay, moderate to large) part of me that can't wait to let the "entertaining" be choreographed by someone else. Don't get me wrong - I love my kids, and I'm honestly not completely happy unless all my little duckies are safe and sound and huddled together in our family unit. But I'm not much on long term fun, being that I'm not exactly Captain Fun to begin with.

My friend Amy, however, IS Captain Fun, and texted me a few days before school started to haul our butts 45 minutes out to Fort Worth Texas for a trip to the Zoo. "One last summer hoorah!" as she put it. And who could fault the woman for wanting to take her only non-committed day off to buzz around the state for the sake of her children having a good time? I mean, she just got off a 17 day vacation of hiking through Colorado and New Mexico. I don't think that's enough to wear anyone out at all.

So I wallow in Catholic guilt as I cancel my volunteer job for the day, and load everyone up for a day of fun with Amy and her kids . . . which ends up being zoo, water gardens, two museums, a quick tour through the Stock Yards, and a foray to Joe T. Garcia's for dinner. It was Fort Worth a-la-Amy, who was horrified at my lack of clocked adventure hours into the unknown territory of that endlessly fabulous city. She felt like she had to get in as much "you have to see this" as possible so my brain wouldn't rot away from lack of stimulus in the next nine months. My feet were about to fall right off my ankles by dinner time, but oh my gosh, that restaurant was the most fun place E-VER. Since we were so hot, gross, and dehydrated from being in suffocating heat all day, Amy and I kicked back with ice cold drinks while our five apparently not-tired, not dehydrated, don't-care-if-we're-filthy kids literally ran through what must have been three acres of totally enclosed outside patio filled with tables, gardens, out-buildings, fountains, bars (they didn't tromp through the patio bars, thank heaven. I can just see a shower of lime wedges pelting staff and patrons . . . ) several visits to the way-cool bathroom, and even a get-to-know-you session with the pet doves (don't ask; I have no idea why they keep birds on site).

But as much fun as we had, as a mommy, there is always, always a price to pay. Mine included having to dive right in to aggressive negotiations (sans the light sabers) the morning after and distracting the exhausted kiddies with a heavy-handed list of chores.

Which brings me to my point. This summer has been stressful for us; we've had a big move, we were displaced in our living situation for several months, and had quite a bit of uncertainty regarding course of life and where-in-the-hell-are-we-going-to-live talks. We did our best to keep things stable for the kids, but the stress of the instability still came out, mainly in the bickering of two of my kids, and a slight depression in the third.

My dear people, we MUST keep a stable environment for our kids, and we must learn not to over tax them with "fun." Yes, it's great to see the sights and experience life, but can I just say how many strollers, high heels (Are. You. Kidding.), and VERY pregnant women I saw tromping through the zoo towing kids that were much to young to remember anything at all, much less have any fun in this insane Texas heat? (For the uninitiated, think "so hot the oxygen is sucked right out of the air to the point where you can't breathe," and you're in the ballpark.) Why?? Why on earth do we drag young kiddies to do these things, exhausting their poor bodies and wearing them out so they're forced to act like monkeys because we're too hell-bent on the entertainment??? They don't need that stimulus! They won't remember the baby elephant, the frozen lemonade, or the coolest snake on the planet.

I know it's boring for you, but the younger tikes can do without the heavy field trips. Mine are plenty old enough to tolerate the busy day, yet they still had morning after issues due to exhaustion. If you must get out, pace yourself, respect any naptimes, and make it a quick outing. I understand that being cooped up with out-of-school kids all day long for months on end is a stinker for those who are any less than Über moms. And I don't know about you, but I am not about to lie my tush off and claim to be a super hero in the mommy department. Some of you are, and more power to you. But most of us aren't, so please allow the whining and grappling for entertainment ideas. We'll be back to faking it well once the little angels return to school and we've had time to restock our fridge and pantry, clean up the sea of toys on the living room floor, get a decent haircut, and take a nap. Until then, it's all about frazzle.

Cheers!